Should I stay on blogging, or should I leave. feels so sickening blogging under an open eye community who doesnt fancy me being straight forward.

Because of you?

Because Of You - Kelly Clarkson

Ohh ohh mmm(2times)

I will not make the same mistakes that you did and
I will not let myself cause my heart so much misery
I will not break the way you did
You fell so hard
I've learned the hard way, to never let it get that far

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you...
I am afraid

I lose my way
And it's not too long before you point it out
I cannot cry
Because I know that's weakness in your eyes
I'm forced to fake a smile, a laugh
Everyday of my life
My heart can't possibly break
When it wasn't even whole to start with

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side
So I don't get hurt
Because of you
I find it hard to trust
Not only me, but everyone around me
Because of you...
I am afraid

I watched you die
I heard you cry
Every night in your sleep
I was so young
You should have known better than to lean on me
You never thought of anyone else
You just saw your pain
And now I cry
In the middle of the night
For the same damn thing..

Because of you
I never stray too far from the sidewalk
Because of you
I learned to play on the safe side so I don't get hurt
Because of you
I tried my hardest just to forget everything
Because of you
I don't know how to let anyone else in
Because of you
I'm ashamed of my life because it's empty
Because of you
I am afraid

Because of you....
Because of you...you... mmmmmmmmmm.....

Yes, its hard to not admit that some things happened because of him(ex). The ones underlined are what that's true. Truly describes my feelings I guess. It was hard to pick all bits and pieces of myself over and over again in that relationship. But I picked it up and fixed it properly. And now, I am much firmer, stronger, and I know what I really want now =).

Its just that feeling where you're sick of loving like a slave, when you could be loving like a princess. This is what I'm doing now. And I've found my prince.

<3.

So many things that I'd wanna say. But its hard to say it now. Shall blog more about it, soon.

Peace.

I just finished reading on the PS, I Love You.

Its really nice. And yeah, noticed that I haven't quite blogged here for a month.

Yes, its true that it brings me closing the book, treasuring the one I have around me. Its like so... heart-warming.

Came in here to blog with that little peace in my heart. I just felt that I needed a little break. Blogging seems like a career to me at times. And blogging in the main blogging account is like telling me to watch I'm blogging about, because there's quite a few eyes prying on it.

So here I am, in peace :)

I really wonder, how would I had felt if I have to leave my husband, leaving him all alone in this world, or maybe, him leaving me alone in this world.

It really brought me to tears on some occasion. Which I ain't too suprise on. Ever since I open my hearts up to relationships again, I've been rather emotional and cry easily. At the end, she's alone and not attached to Daniel. Which is good. Haha.

I've been thinking about myself pretty much recently.

Am I too straight-forward in blogging? I think I possibly am. With people pissing off at me perhaps. And with some bastards backstabbing around my back.

Then again, why should I care about, what people think/feel about me? Surely, I would mind, and diss back at them for being a balless dick. You may not feel happy that some people think negatively out of you. But at the same time, for me at least, I don't give a shit. Because for every one person that shits on you, that person will surely not be in your life terrorizing you for long.

Looking back at it, its rather true. My ex whom I thought will harrass me for life actually left me alone. Even on the bus the other day, I saw him, he couldn't not recognize me for sure. But he didn't do anything to me. :) I guess, I don't exactly have the courage to face him. But at least, I wasn't the bitch who left him almost immediately for another guy. I needed to have time to get over him too. What makes people think that I didn't need to get over him easily? I needed to. It was a year after all. Haha.

Now, I am completely over him and is with the man I want. Though there're many disagreements at times, but I do love him. Enough to want to marry him I guess. Hehe. Well, life is still many much more in store for me. The love has been flaming for 9 months. Truly flamey. Love you!

Exams Soon!

My exam later! =D

And I sound so happy! Lol. These days I am seriously happy when exams starts. I have no idea why. Maybe just want exams to finish ASAP.

Okie. Time to get ready :P Tata!

Heh

Actually I really have lots of thoughts.

Really no idea where to start.

Maybe I'll start with this morning.

Was dreaming. Of what? I am not sure. But I remembered this: Attempting to spit onto a sink. BUT, hell does it. It was a dream and I spitted on the pillow!!

I know! Wtf right?!

But I have no idea what made me did that. Apparently dreams can be a killer. Imagine if you are sleeping beside Brad Pitt and you spitted on him -.-"

Balls.

Lol. Lets digress for the moment and let me start blogging my thoughts.

These days ain't doing lots. Life has been quite a routine for me. School, Maple, Blog, Fool around, Meeting my guy, sleep. Blah blah blah. You know, the same old stuffs. I think I need a serious break. I find myself so serious in every little shit I do.

And yes, that includes gaming.

I think I might sound a little bitchy these days. Well, who cares. I don't care if I am stabbed in the back even. Just don't even let me find out. Or I make sure you lose your sickening face.

Yes, and even in school bastardings and bitchings still exists. (And we'd think they don't exists anymore)

On the side note, I just exchanged phone with dad. Cos Samsung cock on me. I had to use back a nokia phone with no cam. Just a phone with radio function. (Nokia 3180) Which I'm satisfied with. Better than having a phone with cam and cocks up on me for don't know how many times. On the best cocking session, it actually turned into a vibrator.

WTF.

But no, I wasn't crazy enough to make it into a self pleasurizing object -.-"

Speaking of pleasure, I'm looking forward to being satisfied - tomorrow. Muwaha =X

Balls.

SICK.

I am sick of trying to be good and nice.

Sick of trying to be the good good girl when I know I am not.

I am trying my best to be good tempered. But you guys do things that would provoke me.

I did try to study now. But you all, what did you all do? Assumed that I didn't and throw it all away. That's demoralizing. How not to throw my temper back at you?

Sometimes its not that I wish to be rude. But I hate it when people don't get their facts right and throw it in my face. I don't like to be accuse. The fact is, everyone in the family is treating me like shit. Then for fuck am I still here?

They can never be understanding towards me. They will never, and they will not. When its my pms period, I tend to get cranky. But do they ever know that? No. They don't. Do they ask? No. They don't. Nobody does. Nobody makes an effort to. Nobody appreciates me at all I tell you. I can do anything without asking for anything in return. I can be good at certain stuffs but I don't go around showing off. I may be a high level gamer but I am humble about it. So? What do I get in return? Unkind gestures, people's stupid looks shining on me. Being straight forward gets myself slammed. I end up having to keep everything to myself. Why? Why like this? I don't know. Life isn't fair I guess. I should just keep everything to myself and feel sorry for myself. Sorry that I have such a fucked up family, sorry that I have such fucked up people around me. Sorry that I had to work so hard to get to this far. Sorry that I don't have a chance to be straightforward - at all.

People are just mfkers. Slap yourselves and wake up dudes. Look at yourself in the mirror and start thinking whether you are those what you always want us to be before you start saying us. All of you suck.